my life :o)

well i would first like to say im excited to have found out there is a blogging site lol i have so many things id like to put out there about myself and my life given the fact that every persons life is a story that i feel is worth being heard.

to start off i am obviously french-canadian and sicilian. my mom was raised my sicilian immigrants in america and they were very strict. in order for her to move out of there home she had to be married so after meeting my father 4 months prior they got married and funny to say moved upstairs from my grandparents (which is a 3 family apartment my grandparents owned...and my mom owns to this day) and after 5 years of marriage after being told that my mom wasnt able to have kids i was born on march 8 1989. 3 years later my brother joseph was born jan. 25 1992. my life started out rocky. my dad was a druggy and alcoholic. so when i was 3 my mom had enough and they were divorced. i grew up on food stamps and no cable. i lived in a predominately Hispanic and black city being literally the only Caucasian girl in school.  my friends would call me puerto-rican because they didnt want to except the fact that i was white. some even called me white chocolate lmao.

 i remember when i was 14 my mom would work 3rd shift for more money and i would leave the house at midnight and walk the streets with my friends. i started smoking weed and drinking and dropped out of school and dated older guys. i was arrested twice that year for criminal mischief and assault of the 1st degree, and sent to live with my aunt in the subberbs. it was a complete change. no corner stores at each corner, streets were empty at night, no phone, no friends no nothing, just family......it sucked for me, but i went back to school and earned my high school deploma from a magnet school after my aunt felt i was straightened out and let me move back in with my mom in hartford.
i remember dating this guy who was a friend of my moms. i was 14 and he was 25 and he would take me mid-night bowling and buy me chinese food and pizza and let me drive his car and we would talk for hours and hours about life and he was my best friend. we started having sex and i didnt realize it was wrong for a 25 y.o. to be dating a 14 y.o. cuz he said age was just a number. well we ended up braking up, i dont remember exactly why but i remember he called me a whore which was b.s. cuz i lost my virginity to him and i never cheated on him so that made no sense. he ended up contacting me again when i was 19 on myspace but i ignored him cuz now that im an adult i realize how he used me and it was a shame i didnt get him arrested.

i also think its so wierd how ppl you grew up with turn out to be in the future. the kids with the nicest clothes are now bummy and pot heads living with there parents with no job and no education, every girl i knew got pregnant between 16-20. my best friend growing up is 22 with 3 kids. im 22 with 0 kids and they think im wierd. but im not ganna say im perfect, im unemployed living at my friends house and im in a community college so who am i to say anything about anyone, but i can say at least i didnt bring a child into the world while im in this rut. i have absolutely no contact with my father. last conversation we had was on my 18 bday cuz he wanted to stop child support payments and he told me he doesnt owe me nothing anymore because he paid for his mistake. well i never asked to b born but he doesnt understand that cuz he's narcissistic. 

but i have to say im proud of myself over the years. some of my family members call me ghetto and wont talk to me because of my actions when i was 14 but i feel that i have changed and why hold a grudge on someone for something they did as a child? i have my high school deploma from a magnet school, im in college and im trying hard to do the right thing with my life so i put it like this, u cant beat me down any more than ive been beaten and theres only going up from where im at now....well i guess things could be worse....at least im not a crack head but i feel like if im not given credit for what i have accomplished or should i say if i havent accomplished enough for you to except me as the person i am today than im better off with out you.